batteries and toothbrushes

today is saturday. there are certain activities one does not do on saturdays. one does not wake up early. one does not do work. and one especially does not go shopping (unless, of course, one is a masochist). but as christmas is fast approaching and as my mom will be arriving in less than a week, i had to finish up a few christmas gifts. now, i must say, i really hate christmas shopping. there is nothing more annoying than not knowing what to buy for someone, but feeling obligated to, as it is christmas and i would look like a total shmuck if they gave me something and i had just a big smile to give them for their present. alas, i went shopping. i made it to lafayette because there were certain things i wanted for certain people (myself being one of those certain peoples - i can buy myself christmas presents, too). even after only being open for 30 minutes, it was getting packed. i become the biggest scrooge in that store on saturdays. i don't think the french would understand if i just said, 'oh, bah humbug,' but perhaps i will try it the next i am there on a saturday. i found a few things and peaced out before it got busier. i made my way to lafayette maison to check on a gift idea, but opted to peace out as the crowds were increasing.

i made my way towards the madeline (what is the madeline - besides a cookie? does anyone know? im too lazy to look it up.) and then towards concorde. place de la madeline (i dont even think it's spelled correctly) is fabulous. it is a foodie's paradise. the famous parisian gourmet food shop, fauchon, is located here and it is just beautiful. yes, you can window shop in amazement at a food store. the pastries and tartes and cakes that they have there, oh my! it really is beautiful.

i circled the madeline and found rue royale. i have a love/hate relationship with this street. actually, this whole part of town. it is the super glamorous ritzy area. rue royale has all of the big name designers - dior and gucci look so beautiful this time of year. la duree is right there, too, with lines of people waiting to pick up their scrumptious macaroons (which i still have yet to try - i love macaroons so i hope la duree is not a let down). i made my way up rue de rivoli, searching for a gift idea i had seen a few weeks ago. i had no luck with said gift and wound up wondering why i was walking up rivoli on a saturday. rue de rivoli is on one side of the louvre. of course this area is going to be jam packed with tourists on a saturday. i found the metro and made my way home. on the metro, i had an interesting fashion experience...

there was a man, reasonably attractive, who was wearing the most god-awful pants i have ever seen. it wasn't even the pants - it was the pants on his legs. these were the epitomy of skinny jeans. and the thing is, this dude was just not that skinny. don't get me wrong, he was not large and in charge, but he definitely had some meat on his bones. skinny jeans on the right body can look amazing. a stylish guy in skinny jeans who has a nice ass, mmm, it's just fashionably delicious. but on the wrong body, rubbish. this poor guy's pants were skin tight at the bottom (as they should be), but as they approached his crotch, it just got all wrong. they were far too tight in front, i felt bad for the poor sap and wondered how he got any blood circulating in such an area. and then i saw his ass. and this is where it's just wrong. they were not tight on his behind and it just looked like he had pooped his pants. i'm sorry, no self-respecting 20-something would leave home looking like they couldn't hold it in. it was just all bad.

i noticed this man's pants dilemma while we were waiting for the 11 metro at hotel de ville. i believe he caught me admiring his, eh, hot ass (?), as when the metro arrived, we sat facing each other and there was this very awkward starring contest going on. i was trying desperately not to look at his pants, but every time i did, he would look away from me.

the moral of this story: do not wear skinny jeans if they make your ass look like you never escaped the diaper years.

i made my way to villette, went to my favorite boulanger for my favorite retrodor aux grains, and then visited my egg/cheese lady for this week's supply of eggs. i had just a lovely little conversation about how i hated buying christmas presents and that i have no room in my suitcase for them. and then i bought eggs and said my 'bon journee, au revoir, a la prochaine,' and came home to concoct my famous garlic and onion soup. yes, i am feeling a tad sick. nothing cures a cold like eight cloves of garlic. or scares of sexy men who want to make out with me.

it is a rainy day in paris. but as nothing is open tomorrow, i opted to get groceries today to avoid starvation tomorrow. i ran down to lidl, forgetting that i have rainboots, and days like today are what they live for. i bought a bit too much stuff to fit in my sac (you have to buy plastic bags here, i do not buy bags - i bring my own) so there i was, in the pouring rain, with a 12-pack of TP, a jumbo-pack of yogurt, and a big bag of green beans in my right hand and arm, heavy longchamp bag of food on my left, trying to open my umbrella and not spill everything in the street. i dodged puddles and laughed the whole way home. nothing says class like walking home carrying a big bag of frozen green beans.

lidl does not have bonne maman jam, which is only the best condiment ever (i would lick this stuff off of anyone, yes, even hitler). if there was not a weight limit on my suitcase, i would just fill the whole thing up with bonne maman. it is amazing. there are an insane amount of flavors. there are jams made out of fruits i have never heard of. i needed to buy more of this so i made my way (with rainboots on, this time) to franprix. i found my jam. and then i had another mystery...

batteries. i have an electric toothbrush and it has died. i cannot buy regular toothbrushes because i tend to do random household chores while i am brushing my teeth, and then forget that i was brushing my teeth and end up clenching my toothbrush in my jaw. if you have ever seen a kendra toothbrush, you have laughed and asked how long i have had it. you can't clench an electric toothbrush in your jaw - it is just too heavy. (believe you me, though, i have tried it) so, i was on a search for batteries. i found light bulbs, and generally, batteries are not far away. no such luck. i tired of looking and gave up. 'ok, ill just get a regular fucking cheapo toothbrush and have my mom bring me batteries this week.' then it got interesting...i couldn't find a fucking toothbrush, either. i found toothpaste. i did not find a toothbrush. aren't they complimentary products? i was at a loss for words.

i got in the checkout. there, in the glass case behind the register, were a whole slew of batteries and a whole slew of toothbrushes. i wondered if they knew that i would be coming to buy supplies for my oral hygeine and that they feared i would steal it all. i really have to say that it is a pain in the ass for the customer, as well as the cashier, to have to go behind the register and pick out stuff like this. maybe i should have just gotten a toothbrush - that would have seemed funnier than batteries. i mean, some of these toothbrushes were mega cheap.

which leads me to say, this is france. not target. they hold certain things, such as toothbrushes and batteries, to a very high esteem and will lock them up.

i wonder if the states have a high rate of toothbrush theft...

OH, and i also picked up a box of lion cereal. (cuz im so ferocious, right) lion bars are my favorite candy bars. they are british (i think) and just delicious. i tried the cereal, not too bad. just like your typical cocoa pebbles. it is the french version of lucky charms, for me.

oh lucky charms, how i miss thee.