im becoming one of them

and by them, i mean, 'the french.'

i just created an account with french itunes. having a carte bleue is coming in handier and handier every day. there is this paris-born, israeli-raised singer named yael naim who rocks my world. but, of course, american itunes does not have her. but after some searching on myspace and seeing that it could be downloaded via french itunes, i opted to make my own account.

and voila, i now have yael naim, as well as vanessa paradis, to listen to.

this seems completely normal. i had a tarte and tea this afternoon and wrote for awhile. i will meet a friend at 8 for a crepe at my favorite creperie. completely normal, again.

i wore my fox cap today. i would think twice about wearing such a chapeau back in madison, for fear that the animal rights people would throw paint on it. (i dont eat animal, so i can wear it.) but here, tons of people wear fur. i kind of want a fur coat now. back in the states, never would have happened. i think fur looks tacky in the states. here, it is just chic and beautiful and warm.

and to state the obvious, i have what my dear friend calls a 'morbid obsession' with black. the word 'color' does not really exist in my vocabulary anymore, unless, of course, you consider black to be a color, rather than just space void of color. the french...black. americans...color. i even wear tons of black liquid eyeliner now. it's mad sexy and it's mad french. the french can be sexy. they are sexy. they exude sexy-ness. in america, you have to be tame, otherwise you're a slut. so rigid, regulated. sexy vs. slutty? ill take sexy, merci beaucoup.

im turning french.

and i dont even suck at the language anymore. note prior post of how i rejected a man in nearly perfect french.

what am i going to do without tarte and afternoon tea, crepes and roasted chestnuts, seedy men and chic women, bonne maman jam in every possible flavor and fruit, nutella in jars that put any jumbo jar of skippy to shame? what will i do without lidl? my cheese mongers? lion bars, milka, baguette, pain au chocolat, do not even get me started on the pastries...

i am bringing two large jars of nutella home. i will cry and listen to vanessa paradis and yael naim and eat nutella with a spoon. i will also take bonne maman home, in all the weird flavors i cant get in the states.

i love america. but i love france, too. america is so comfortable. i know america. i speak english. i fumble through french. i get paris, but the rest of france, no idea.

maybe ill have some wine, smoke a cig, and ponder this predicament i am in. and yes, it will be to something downloaded via itunes.fr.