yes, i hate babies.

in my previous post, i mentioned how i dislike children. my metro ride home confirmed said fact. a husband and wife get onto the metro with a toddler and a baby. the dad is taking care of the toddler, making sure he doesn't fall down or get smooshed. the mother has the baby strapped onto her chest in one of those ugly, god forsaken baby bjorn contraptions. i dont care if these devices are good for the baby or whatever reason one would decide to purchase it, they are ugly. but this is besides the point. most baby shit is unfashionable. but what is not unfashionable is my new karen millen coat that i would prefer to not have pawed at by a baby in its baby bjorn device. looking as chic as can be and having a pleasant ride home on the metro while listening to some edith piaf was interrupted by said baby. i am just not baby/child/pet friendly. adults, i can handle. small creatures - not so much. when i began my journey on the metro, i was able to get a seat and rest my tired soles. baby bjorn kept pointing at me. when i looked at him, those big dopey eyes stared back at me. and then he began to cry. i believe i actually tried smiling at him. and then tears. once the tears subsided, baby bjorn started reaching towards me, trying to touch my coat, grabbing at my headphones, touching my bag. ok friends, i realize that babies do not have cooties and it doesn't matter if this creature was touching my shit. but first comes touching and then comes puking. i do not want to be in a five foot radius of a baby spewing up his lunch. i eventually stood up, as the metro became rather busy and i was only getting baby's shoes clunking into me every five seconds. when i stood up, baby bjorn was scared because i was taller than he realized. good. i showed that little bastard. then he realized that i was harmless and began to poke at me again. he touched my bag, he touched my ipod, but that little creature did not get karen.

two satc episodes come to mind (i am sorry for all of these references, but it is who i am). first, the one where samantha goes out to lunch at a very expensive restaurant, only to hear mommy and son at the next table conversing in baby-talk. she ends up walking out of the restaurant, covered in spaghetti, after being pelted with them by the child. i, like samantha, prefer to have the fineries in life without a side of child. next, the episode where carrie goes to a party and has to take off her manolos because 'shoes bring in dirt and kids get sick from dirt.' her shoes are then stolen and after confronting the hostess about paying for them, as carrie would never take off her shoes at a party without being asked, the hostess is appalled that anyone would pay so much money for a pair of shoes. carrie chose shoes. hostess chose kids. i chose karen. and i prefer my karen with no kids.

end.of.story.