i pose this question while smoking the first marlboro light of the pac
k. this is the pack that i bought three weeks ago after starting my job. im pretty sure this cig, while killing me, is saving my sanity. i will not get into my day. i now know why i put off interning for so long.
k. this is the pack that i bought three weeks ago after starting my job. im pretty sure this cig, while killing me, is saving my sanity. i will not get into my day. i now know why i put off interning for so long.after getting home tonight at 9:30 pm (yes, you read correctly), i began to think a lot about life and what i want out of it. i live my life in the pursuit of not just happiness, but of fun. and i realized tonight that i have had a hard slap in the face lately. working sucks, dude. S.U.C.K.S. it cuts into my fun. and my happiness. life was simple and free when i was a blonde. i look back at pictures from my junior year of college - i am all grins in every picture. i had not a care in the world. hell, i had the world by a string. i was fearless. now, fear is back. it's like that sex and the city episode where carrie is doing the flying trapeze - "when did life stop being fun and start being scary?" its true. i feel old. i have no desire to go out and party. i'd rather sleep. who have i become?
have i become boring? am i no longer fun? is pussycat still a fierce lion?
je ne suis pas sur.
being in paris for a real reason (sorry, school here is bogus...it is a reason to party and explore and drink. yes, you have class. but you also have a lot of fun.) working here and not getting to really enjoy the city every waking moment is tough. i almost feel trapped inside this glorious paradise of a city. i want to break free. just be.
maybe i should dye my hair blonde again. i gradually went darker because i was in the biz school and wanted to be t
aken seriously. im not even sure i get taken seriously now. i just dont know about a lot of things anymore.
aken seriously. im not even sure i get taken seriously now. i just dont know about a lot of things anymore.man, figuring out life sucks sometimes. its rough. im entering into this huge turning point in life and dont know where to turn, where to go. i know where i want to go, what i want to do, but to actually get there, im clueless. and its not even so much getting there - its financial. yes, when there's a will, there's a way. but that way is made easier with funding.
thank you, lana, for your card today. it really cheered me up when i got home! love you.
blonde? brunette? fuck, maybe i should just shave it off or something.
4 comments:
This is my first blog, or more appropriately, this is my first comment posted on a blog. I feel so young and with-it.
As I see it you have two options:
1) shave your head, by a black turtleneck, maintain the female equivalent of a five o'clock shadow, chain smoke (which I see you are moving towards…), and curse those "Americans with their baseball hats and their blue jeans… why don't you buy a you big car you sandwich au fromage?"
2) or, buck up. I've haven't met that many people who are sure about what they are doing or what they want to do (myself included) at any age. At least you've got a place picked out- most people haven't made it that far. So go out tonight, find some skinny, pale, unclean Frenchmen swimming in cologne and self-importance and get yourself out of this funk, if you follow me.
You dyed your hair brown to be taken seriously at the business school? Is that the same reason you wore those yellow rain-boots?
-Cornelius
Needless to say, I don't think you've "lost your luster." :)
You are definitely still fun - I had a blast hanging out with you in Paris last weekend! Drinking - while amazing - I've found, for me anyway, is more of an escape from the pressures of daily life (especially those associated with UW life). It's a great way to meet people, true, but all of my lasting friendships were from people not met at the bar scene. So I guess my point is that if you're fun you're fun without having to worry about going out all the time. Nothing wrong with some sleep either. In fact it's kind of nice to get away from the hardcore party scene in Madison for a while (though I am guilty of looking forward to returning to it). You are a rockstar. P.S. I liked your hair both blond and brunette - not much help, I know, but you'll look fabulous either way.
Oh, I forgot to add that I too went brunette for a while and it wasn't for me. In my world, blondes do have more fun ;). Hehe, but it's different for everyone.
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